immortal?! pilgrim?! What the?!

Ever have one of those days where you look around you and think "There is more going on here than I can see."? It's like that timeless, age-old Question that has haunted the minds of people for thousands of years. And it hits you at odd times. Cutting the grass, finishing a test, sitting in traffic, listening to the rain, paying a bill. "Is there more?" Lot's of people have developed the ability to simply do away with Question. Like you know you're about to sneeze and you hold it in. I've found I don't do that very well. It gets messy....lol. But some...maybe lots of people take the "Why am I here?" question and stuff it back down. I guess I can't blame them. I did that for a long time too. The seemingly easy way to take is to ignore the bony finger of Question tapping you on the shoulder and pretend that no one is there. Ever do that? Like when you're working on something and someone is trying to get your attention by just looking at you. And finally after a few minutes you’re like “DUDE! Just say something!” But with Question....no you dare not look up and demand a statement....because you'll just get a question. So you just keep doing whatever and pretend that it's not there. Maybe it'll go away. Probably not. Love compels it to stay and stare at you.

It's a tough question to ponder. Like looking at an ugly kid and saying "How cute....ummmm...how old is he?"
"It's a girl." responds the irritated mother.
"Oh....sorry"

"Why am I here?" "What's it all about?" "Is there more?"

Morpheus - "Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real. What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"
Morpheus - "Do you want to know the truth?"
Neo - "Yes."

The question or idea or whatever you want to call it, is tough because it demands some kind of answer. Maybe not a full answer, but at least a direction to start in. That's why I think so many refuse to answer Question and just run from it.
Run to the club, that's where I'll find love.
Run to the sport, that's where I'll find achievement.
Run to the stage, that's where I'll find fame.
Run to the girl, that's where I'll find respect.
Run to the guy, that's where I'll find acceptance.
Run to the job, that’s where I’ll find money, power and whiteout.
Run run run....from one thing or person or event....on and on.

Others are far more courageous. They look Question square in the eye. They stand up and declare the answer....from their own heads. A man-made answer for a cosmic question. I mean, seriously, is it that easy? Just formulate your own reality and "poof" you got yur very own purpose for life! To me, that's shallow living. It's slap in the face to this age old Question and it's Sender.

Me? Well, for years I ran. I hated to think of Question because it's mere existence reminded me that I was being watched...which was a bit spooky. Like the eyes in the painting of an old horror flick. It also reminded me that I was...gulp...responsible!!! What a dirty word on this post-modern world huh? Responsible to explore for the answer. And I mean REALLY explore. So I ran. I loaded up my hurts, my pain, my rage. Even my dreams (limited as they were) and my hopes went into my hobo style knapsack and off I ran. "Run run as fast as I can, you'll never catch me....because I don't want you to!"

Then one day I got tired of running. The drugs got boring, despite the fact that I was an addict. The booze (what an old fashioned word...booze...lol) went dry. The girls lost interest. The friends....that's another post.

So there I was. Trying to look busy while Question stood across the room and starred at me. I really didn't want to make eye contact, but I couldn't help it. So I looked up. I HATE that look. You know, that look you get from people who think they are right and that you are a moron. It's like a half grin, one eye brow slightly up, hands in pockets, head tilted a little and foot tapping on the floor.

"What?! What the #&#% do you want?!" (of course I didn't actually say those symbols....I cursed...just to clarify)
Question just smiled more.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
"What do YOU want is more like it."
"OK Dr. Spock, let's play the little game. I want a pony and a Red Ryder bee-bee gun with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time."
Question laughed....like a big Jamaican laugh...head back and all. "Muwahhhhaaaa haaaaaa...."
"Now do you mind, I'm busy."
"Oh yeah....you're busy....running."
When it said "running"....weird but everything came into view. My whole little life. Suddenly I began to feel like....well, like it wouldn't be so bad to ask.

".....why am I here?"

At that moment....the phone rang. I was in my apartment in Virginia. A loaded gun in one hand and bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in the other (that sounds so ghetto dramatic but it’s true.) That started a long series of events that led to this day.

I'm an immortal pilgrim. I dared to look Question in the face and now, now I know much more. I've seen (mostly) how far down the rabbit hole goes....and it's amazing. Yeah, there's more. Much more. But you have to be willing to look Question in the face and ask it for yourself.

It's ok to wonder and ask and not know everything. For me, Question turned out to be God. Amazing how He could be both the question and the answer. Go ahead, He's not afraid of your questions or your doubts or fears. His love is bigger than that.

My first blog entry....i feel so....

odd. I'm not sure if anyone will actually read any of my entries, but this will be fun non- the less. A few things to know:
1. I spell like a drunk'n monkey....so please don't correct me. Unless it's funny.
2. I am madly in love with my wife.
3. I am crazy about my 3 kids.
4. I am a Christian. simple. A follower of the creator of the universe and the savior of all mankind, Jesus Christ.
5. Cats waste space.
6. My dog has gas....often. But I still manage to love him.
7. My entries will be a plethera of ideas, complaints, victories and stories.
8. My entries will NOT be regular unless I have a MAJOR change in lifestyle which can only be described as "MAD CRAZY"!